“To create loving men, we must love males. Loving maleness is different from praising and rewarding males for living up to sexist-defined notions of male identity. Caring about men because of what they do for us is not the same as loving males for simply being.”
– bell hooks.
We’ve recently moved buildings at work and our team has been split up so everyone pretty much has their own office. Except for me, I share with the new(est) guy. He’s Brazillian and moved over here for the job, he’s bilingual, has seen a little bit of the world, he’s opinionated & intelligent, loves language, literature, etc. Frankly he’s a great office mate. We have spirited conversations about anything from how cool the MacBook animation is on the latest iteration of the Apple website to the correlation between poverty and race in various societies. During one of our talks I told him I was a feminist & thus started a long conversation about the hypocrisy of feminism:
Him: “they don’t care about equal rights, they only care about female domination”
Me: *evil laugh*
Him: “they don’t fight for men to be stay at home dad’s if they want to, they only care about women being CEOs”
This threw me off, just a tiny bit. See I don’t keep up with mainstream feminism because of it’s tendency to be racist, hypocritical & basically trash but I assume that when I tell people that I’m a feminist they know I’m not talking about the stuff that’s so heavily broadcasted. The feminism I follow is more about how to love. How do we love women & men in a way that grants them free will & choice? So men don’t have to succumb to societal pressures to be sexual predators & women don’t have to be mothers if they don’t want to. The feminism I follow is all about loving someone so much that you allow them to dictate what they do with their lives. This was my colleagues first time hearing about this type of feminism & all many people know about feminism is the latest controversial spiel that the Guardian thrown up. It’s the same feminism that says Miley twerking is great, revolutionary in fact, but Beyonce doing the same is regressive *rolls eyes*.
Anyway, I kind of got fed up of having long introductory conversations about the kind of feminism I’m into, hence this post. If you’re interested you should read The Will To Chanage: Men, Masculinity, and Love – bell hooks (where the intro quote is taken from). It’s an excellent read & a good starting point.