You’ve been here before,
Spat from the mouth of another,
& instead of squeezing tears from your ducts,
You sing. You do other things.
You spend your days working,
And your nights wanting to worry more about him
But reailsing that you can’t,
You pray for him, everyday, more than you pray for yourself,
More than you pray for your mum or your brother,
Or your grandmother trapped in life she kind-of doesn’t want anymore.
You sing hymns for him & worship God so that he can be free again.
Other men have chewed you up & thrown you up,
& you have crawled away, all back-less and mouth-gone,
but this man – you love – so you work hard, behind the scenes, for him.
You make sure that you leave your phone on & sleep with it close by,
Just in case.
You check up on him, ask friends how he’s doing – if he’s doing.
You remain active on social media, in case he’s watching,
In case he needs to know you’re still here,
Because you are, still here, you will not leave.
You tell yourself that’s what friends are for,
But talking to a mutual friend you realize that you value
His friendship a lot more than others.
He is hurting you, he is pushing you away
But you remember all those times you promised each other
You’d never leave. How he promised to always be there
For you & you promised he’d have to work hard
To get you out of his life – you remember, so you stay
As close as you can without being a creep,
Without admitting that you love him – more than your other friends .
So you pray & sing & laugh & want, so bad, to hear his voice again – to know that he’s alright again.