It’s been a long while since I’ve updated this blog (or done any real writing), reason being I got a full time job (yaaaay) which sort of consumed all my time (booo). But I’m back now & I come bearing lessons.
In October I was blessed with a full-time teaching job, in November I began my time as a secondary school English teacher. I was excited, finally I would be making money, and although I’ve always be adamant that teaching is not something I want to do long-term, I do enjoy it. The problem was that this particular school was struggling financially, this should have been warning sign number one but I figured:
1. they wouldn’t really hire if they were struggling that bad.
2. they couldn’t have been struggling that bad if there were already staff there.
I was also promised to be paid every month regardless of anything, so I accepted. When I began working, I saw that their problems weren’t just financial. I’m not going to list all their problems because that’s not what this post is about, but I did get a whole lot of warning signs in the month I was there.
Things became very stressful, very quickly and I began to see how dangerous the situation I was in really was. Whenever I spoke to the headteachers or my mum about it “faith” always came up, faith that God would work everything out. But you see, the thing is, just because God works something out doesn’t mean you went the right way about things. God’s job is to work things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So no matter how badly you mess things up, somewhere along the line, God will work it out. Does that mean you didn’t mess things up? No, it means that God did what He was supposed to do. I was being told that I should have faith, and it was only by faith that things happened in a certain way.
I began to doubt how faithful I really was, I mean there were still employed staff, and students, and historically their GCSE results have been good. It’s not like I’m a qualified teacher and this job practically fell on my lap.
Many times, we confuse faith with presumption. Presumption says “I can see the building is burning but I’m going to walk into it anyway because God will save me.” Whereas faith says “I don’t know if that building is burning but I trust God will show me in time for me to turn away.” Two very, very different things. You could knowingly walk into the burning building and it becomes extinguished in time but again, that’s only God doing what He does, besides why would you want to put yourself in that kind of situation? This is the question I had to ask myself. presumption often involves us putting ourselves in positions we know are dangerous. This school was the burning building I walked into, and while I was there those that were already there were basically telling me that although it’s burning, it’s only by faith it hasn’t fallen yet.
I had to ask myself why I needed the job in the first place and if it was meeting that need. It wasn’t. If I know God is going to supply all my needs, or make means for my needs to be supplied, then this couldn’t be where He destined me to be, at least not permanently.
Despite everything, I’m glad I went through this experience it has taught me a whole lot, and has shown me my true self, God’s true self and I know that there are students who have benefitted, if only for a month. Yesterday I came across this text in Romans and found it so appropriate:
“And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope” -Romans 5:3&4