During my twitter-stalking session on Monday I found a man, Chey B, who claimed to be an advisor. Who does he advise? Women. What does he advise them on? How to be “good” women. I know, another man I don’t know dictating how I should live my life, who I should talk to or befriend, how I should dress, etc.
Mr B says things like:
Ladies: A man remains friends w/a woman for 1/more of the following: 1) He slept w/her. 2) He’s sleeping w/her. 3) He wants to sleep w/her.
Couples: Friends of the opposite sex aren’t needed when you have each other.
Gents: If you leave it up to a woman, you’ll get nothing more than her time (at her convenience) in a “friendship”.
Many of you ladies are secretly in love with your male friends. <<<< This is the reason you have to let them go for your husband.
and my favourite:
Ladies: Women are emotional, clingy, and needy. A man’s not going to tolerate all of that with no benefits.
Fella’s, this guy has basically just said that all of you only want sex with your women friends, nothing else, you don’t value them for more than that, you only view them as sexual objects, you’re incapable of resisting primal urges, and you won’t stop until you get your sex. Are you really gonna have that doe?
These tweets are misogynistic, hate-filled, and all sorts of offensive but the queen of all tweets and the topic of this post reads:
A woman carrying condoms doesn’t strike me as “safe”. It strikes me as “readily available” whenever the opportunity presents itself. Lady?
which he then follows with:
Men who carry condoms aren’t off the hook. That’s evidence that they are prepared to have sex at the drop of a hat. But no one disputes that
This brings me on to the obsession with women’s “purity” & virginity, in the world and in the church. One of the things the two have in common is the fact that they value a woman’s virginity over a mans. Obviously a result of sexism, women are encouraged to wait until marriage while men are depicted as uncontrolled, self-indulgent animals. Yes, in church the pastor will tell everybody to wait until marriage, he’s obliged to, but the emphasis seems to rest on the woman. Church women are not supposed to be surprised if their husbands are not virgins, in fact it is expected, but it doesn’t quite work the other way around. Likewise, outside of church men are teased for being adult virgins, a film was even made about it poking fun at a man who was forty and still a virgin as if to say that alone makes him “abnormal”. Yet, although women are experiencing increased sexual liberation, women are still degraded and objectified for having and enjoying sex.
Both genders are affected negatively in this, the man will never be anything more than an animal, and the woman is forced to suppress her sexual desires and urges – should either conform to societal standards. I mean, is it right that my brother grow up thinking that he has to lose his virginity by a certain point in his life or else he be cast into the box of “losers”? Is it right that my (future) daughter grow up feeling like she can’t so much as think about sex lest she become ravished & thus impure by the thought alone? Also, this obsession marginalises women, making it more difficult for them to talk about their sexual issues, especially in church. So many women have difficulty with lust and sexual perversions but are afraid to come out and speak on it because of the hype around our virginity, and can you blame them? Who are they really supposed to talk to when the people in the church sound just like the people in the world with their name calling and degradation.
I am not a virgin, but I am not a hoe/slut/tart/sket/junge/etc. My virgin male friends are not losers, and my sexually active male friends are not animals. We need to get into the habit of changing the gender stereotypes & images that surround sex because, believe it or not, they are fluid.