main / Relationships / Social Commentary / Women

Don’t Ask Chey B.

During my twitter-stalking session on Monday I found a man, Chey B, who claimed to be an advisor. Who does he advise? Women. What does he advise them on? How to be “good” women. I know, another man I don’t know dictating how I should live my life, who I should talk to or befriend, how I should dress, etc.
Mr B says things like:

Ladies: A man remains friends w/a woman for 1/more of the following: 1) He slept w/her. 2) He’s sleeping w/her. 3) He wants to sleep w/her.

Couples: Friends of the opposite sex aren’t needed when you have each other. #StayFocused

Gents: If you leave it up to a woman, you’ll get nothing more than her time (at her convenience) in a “friendship”. #KnowYourWorth

Many of you ladies are secretly in love with your male friends. <<<< This is the reason you have to let them go for your husband.

Word! Aint nobody got time for being a woman’s friend for no reason. #CounterProductive RT @KNealTX @AskCheyB word! do not get it twisted!

and my favourite:

Ladies: Women are emotional, clingy, and needy. A man’s not going to tolerate all of that with no benefits. #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

Fella’s, this guy has basically just said that all of you only want sex with your women friends, nothing else, you don’t value them for more than that, you only view them as sexual objects, you’re incapable of resisting primal urges, and you won’t stop until you get your sex. Are you really gonna have that doe?

These tweets are misogynistic, hate-filled, and all sorts of offensive but the queen of all tweets and the topic of this post reads:

A woman carrying condoms doesn’t strike me as “safe”. It strikes me as “readily available” whenever the opportunity presents itself. Lady?

which he then follows with:

Men who carry condoms aren’t off the hook. That’s evidence that they are prepared to have sex at the drop of a hat. But no one disputes that

This brings me on to the obsession with women’s “purity” & virginity, in the world and in the church. One of the things the two have in common is the fact that they value a woman’s virginity over a mans. Obviously a result of sexism, women are encouraged to wait until marriage while men are depicted as uncontrolled, self-indulgent animals. Yes, in church the pastor will tell everybody to wait until marriage, he’s obliged to, but the emphasis seems to rest on the woman. Church women are not supposed to be surprised if their husbands are not virgins, in fact it is expected, but it doesn’t quite work the other way around. Likewise, outside of church men are teased for being adult virgins, a film was even made about it poking fun at a man who was forty and still a virgin as if to say that alone makes him “abnormal”. Yet, although women are experiencing increased sexual liberation, women are still degraded and objectified for having and enjoying sex.

Both genders are affected negatively in this, the man will never be anything more than an animal, and the woman is forced to suppress her sexual desires  and urges – should either conform to societal standards. I mean, is it right that my brother grow up thinking that he has to lose his virginity by a certain point in his life or else he be cast into the box of “losers”? Is it right that my (future) daughter grow up feeling like she can’t so much as think about sex lest she become ravished & thus impure by the thought alone?  Also, this obsession marginalises women, making it more difficult for them to talk about their sexual issues, especially in church. So many women have difficulty with lust and sexual perversions but are afraid to come out and speak on it because of the hype around our virginity, and can you blame them? Who are they really supposed to talk to when the people in the church sound just like the people in the world with their name calling and degradation.

I am not a virgin, but I am not a hoe/slut/tart/sket/junge/etc. My virgin male friends are not losers, and my sexually active male friends are not animals. We need to get into the habit of changing the gender stereotypes & images that surround sex because, believe it or not, they are fluid.

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4 thoughts on “Don’t Ask Chey B.

  1. People (women especially sometimes) seem to need a prophet even if he spurts bull day in and day out, telling them they are whores for being responsible adults & having protection then telling the men that when a woman says NO they should try other methods to convince her. As a weak ninja does, he often uses one of his favorite phrases, “The guilty are always offended” as a method to rile his flock up. He’s a money man, a book seller who trolls for sales, and a charlatan playing on the Amen Corner.

  2. I was in a relationship with Chey and he honestly he definitely is not who women need to take advice from. He was very controlling and verbally and physically abusive. I ended the relationship and got an order of protection. Ladies ask yourself how can a man who isn’t even in a relationship and can’t keep one give you advice on yours?

  3. I went on a date with him and he lectured me the whole time on what i am doing wrong, put me down and made me walk from like 3 miles in the cold from one spot to another. he ended the date at a crown chicken sucking the wing juices of his fingers. he then bombarded me with marketing for his crap after i told him several times to remove me for his list. he is a classless, narcissistic piece of shit.

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