This post is for the church men, I have a question [or a few].
Why does it seem you all have a never-ending list of issues you need to sort out?
It seems like there’s always something you have to change, or implement, or address. It seems like a lot of church men expect to be grown & established before they can even like someone. From my learning & understanding, growth is a continual process. Not to say the issues are nonsense but, I mean, these issues always seem to be revolved around:
A. Spiritual relationships
B. How you treat women
Personally, I see option A as a cop out of commitment. I mean, of course I understand – Ephesians 5 calls for husbands to be like Christ. But the key word here is husbands. As a heterosexual woman, if I can see that somebody I like is actively moving in the direction of being like Christ then for me, that’s enough. Option B is one I don’t really understand. So I guess another question is “how do you address/fix the way you treat women (i.e. love interests) if you don’t have one?” During my year of single living, I thought I had overcome a lot of stuff in regards to relationships & men, it wasn’t until I found a guy I was interested in & was interested in me that I realised I hadn’t & I needed to fix that. I was able to address those issues because I was in a context that dealt directly with them. Option C I’ve only heard once from a church guy, but have heard a lot of from men in the world, and again, it seems to me that men want to be husband material before they even begin liking someone. They don’t want to be caught on the journey or along the way, they want everything ready & set, then & only then can they begin to find prospective women. This is odd to me because a lot of the successful couples I know, helped each other come up. And if this economical climate is anything to go by, a lot of you are going to be single & childless for a long time. I don’t even think people have that expectation of men anymore, I may be wrong. I don’t know if you guys put the pressure on yourselves of it’s external factors, hopefully one of you will actually be able to clarify things, but there is an obvious, unnecessary pressure on you to have it all together before you like someone, but how realistic is that?
Why can’t you just like someone and get to know them?
In my head it seems like such a simple & enjoyable task. Spending time together, getting to know each other’s friends/family, learning about the kind of person they are. Why are you guys already thinking about marriage & kids before you’ve even entered a relationship? Of course, the basics should be covered i.e. you should both be on the same page when it comes to marriage & kids, but that’s where it should end. There should be no commas after that. Especially as neither of you know if you’ll even end up in a relationship together.
Why on earth do you KEEP making the same mistakes?
So, you entered one ‘getting to know you’ situation & backed out because you had your 1million long bullet point list of issues to sort out within yourself, you don’t/can’t actually make any effort to sort them out, you enter another ‘getting to know you’ situation & the cycle repeats itself. WHY?
Why do you seek council from your fellow blind brothers?
There are men that you know that are in successful relationships, that are doing it well, yet you go to your friend who is in the exact same predicament as you & ask him for advice. Is that wise?
These are serious questions that I’d like serious answers to, thank you 🙂