If you’ve read my blog before you’ll know that I chose to spend 2012 living single, and it was an amazing year of growth and self discovery. During that time I learnt so many valuable things, one of which was “learning from past experiences” (obvious, I know). I wasn’t going to be the girl I was in 2011, I wasn’t going to fall into the same habits, especially when it came to men. This lesson has been engraved so deeply within me that now, today, I really do feel stronger.
Part of that means that I treat every man according to who he is and not according to who an ex was. He isn’t Jesus after all and shouldn’t have to carry the weight of another man’s sins, especially if I have moved on from said man. It hasn’t been easy, alarm bells have rung when I speak to other guys but I’ve also learnt it’s less about what they do (except in serious cases) and more about how they react when addressing the issue. You see, I’m quickly learning that guys are honestly clueless. If you were to recount a tricky situation to them and ask their opinion they’d have a wealth of things to say but put them in that same situation & they lose all sight. This is not me removing responsibility from the men, no, it’s me saying they are clueless & need to get clued up, but I digress.
The cluelessness of men puts them in situations that could otherwise have been avoided had their eyes have been open, but how quickly is the issue resolved?
My ex and I rarely argued, it was more I’d get upset & we wouldn’t really talk about it & eventually the issue would get swept under the carpet. The dude i was ‘with’ after him wallowed in self-pity 24/7 meaning he was always the victim and never the transgressor, so he could never do anything wrong. In each of these cases the issues we had weren’t resolved quickly or if they were, it’s because they were swept under carpets until we began to trip over them.
Does that then mean the next guy I speak to/date/court/whatever I should treat as though he is one or both of these two men? No. Should I prepare myself, incase he is? No. But what if he is? I’ve learnt how to say “bye” fairly easy.
I mean, don’t get me wrong I have my defences, my brick walls, security systems, etc. but I won’t allow the insecurities I had from my past to seep in to my present/future, especially if the person I’m talking to is nothing like those other men. He will have his own unique flaws, his own hang-ups, his own insecurities that will need to be addressed completely differently.